(REDMOND, WA) Microsoft has been quick to quell rumours that Teams will be absorbed into Yammer, releasing an updated version of the Inner and Outer Loop model under the guise of a critical security update. The new modern framework, which includes the backing of many within the Microsoft Partner community, has been described in podcasts as “a breath of fresh air”, particularly by consultants armed with 2×2 matrices.

“The problem with the Inner and Outer Loop model was the potential for it to be misinterpreted, as has clearly happened when Yammer thought the Inner Loop was inside the Outer Loop,” a Teams Team’s Marketing Team spokesperson recently told The Gopher Files. “What we needed was a framework where you seamlessly transition from Teams to Yammer and back again. That way, any kind of progress is illusory. The Möbius Loop effortlessly achieves thiat.” Even when presented with a printed copy of the Inner and Outer Loop model, the spokesperson was adamant that the Inner loop “to the left of” and “not inside” the Outer Loop. The spokesperson then went on to add “to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left” while gazing off off into the distance.

“While Inner and Outer Loops was certainly current at Ignite 2017, we’re almost at SharePoint Conference North America 2018 now. Did I mention tickets are selling fast? Oh right, you want to talk about Loops? Yes, the world has moved on. We’re not sure why people are still obsessed with this Inner and Outer Loop thing.” The denial comes amid growing speculation that Bain and Company was launching legal action to assert its rights over the terms “Inner Loop” and “Outer Loop”, which it first used back in 2015.

Through the Teams Team’s Engineering Team, Microsoft released the Möbius Loop to replace the other Loops. Modelled closely on the Möbius Strip, the Möbius Loop is a surface with only one side when embedded in three dimensional Euclidean space. “This addresses the problem of where to start a conversation, and then how that conversation evolves throughout its lifecycle. Plus it’s still technically a loop, so we can re-use most of our e-mail templates”.

The release of the Möbius Loop is seen by many as a peace offering between the warring Yammer and Teams product groups, with neither product able to assert authority over the other, “as soon as you’re on the Möbius Loop, your on the side of Yammer, which is also the side of Teams. It’s all the same side.” Senior figures in Microsoft are understood to be delighted that someone at Microsoft Consulting Services was able to come up with such a non-confrontational model.

Although the Möbius Loop is a surface, both the Surface Team and the Team Surface are understandably denying any involvement.

Under the Möbius Loop model, a conversation starts in Teams, which was formerly described as the Inner Loop. The conversation progresses along the Möbius Loop, and eventually ends up at Yammer, which was formerly known as the Outer Loop. The Yammer ‘side’ of the Loop is directly opposite the Teams ‘side’, so the conversation has come full circle by this point. If the conversation continues, it will follow the Möbius Loop to end up back in Teams, exactly where it started. Or as the Teams Team’s Support Team describes it, “back where it belongs”.

Anyone who doesn’t understand how this communication model works is advised to take a strip of paper and write “Teams” on one side and “Yammer” on the other. After turning over one end of the paper, join the ends together with tape. Now with your finger, start at “Teams” and trace the path of the conversation.

The futility of this exercise is illustrated in M. C. Escher’s Möbius Strip II, where the ants go marching one by one over the single-sided surface:

Microsoft Partners looking to charge more for their services are invited to apply for the Certified Möbius Loop Trainer certification, which requires candidates to complete two full laps of the Loop, once again arriving back to the point they started. It also requires them to understand both Yammer and Teams, which is thought to dramatically limit the number of certifications awarded.

Yammer are said to be marching to the beat of their own drum, sticking with the Outer Loop model until officially directed otherwise. They’re not checking their e-mail much, just in case.